Why you should live in each province

Aug. 30 -- I was inspired to search through my mailbox to retrieve this gem sent by some dear friends on Cape Breton Island.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN EACH PROVINCE!

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

1. Weed.
2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges.
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder.
4. The local wine doesn't taste like malt vinegar.
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
6. A university with a nude beach.
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
8. If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash.
9. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
10. Cannabis.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA

1. Big Rock between you and B.C.
2. Ottawa who?
3. Tax is 7 percent instead of approximately 200 percent for the of the country.
4. The Premier is a fat, alcoholic who is easy to make fun of.
5. Flames vs. Oilers.
6. Stamps vs. Eskies.
7. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
8. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be it's own country.
9. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.
10. You can attempt to murder your rich oil tycoon husband and get away with it.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN

1. You never run out of wheat.
2. Ten months of winter and 2 months of poor skating.
3. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning.
4. Your province is really easy to draw.
5. You never have to worry about roll-back if you have a standard shift.
6. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbour's house.
7. YOUR Roughriders survived.
8. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
9. People will assume you live on a farm.
10. Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beachfront property.
2. Amusing town names like "Flin Flon" and "Winnipeg".
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto.
4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal government.
5. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
6. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
7. You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work.
8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
9. Because of your licence plate, you are still friendly even when you cut someone off.
10. Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO

1. You live in the center of the universe.
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Separatist. Separate from what? You are the centre of the universe.
5. Your grandparents sold booze to the States during Prohibition.
6. Lots of tourists come to Toronto because they mistakenly believe it's a cool city.
7. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.
8. Much Music's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV for a dollar.
9. Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the side of your house.
10. Mike Harris: basically a sober Ralph Klein.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC

1. Everybody assumes you're an asshole.
2. Racism is socially acceptable.
3. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians.
4. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.
5. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada.
6. The FLQ.
7. Your hockey team is made up entirely of dirty French guys who can't skate.
8. The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers.
9. NON-smokers are the outcasts.
10. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo bastards".

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK

1. You are sandwiched between French assholes and drunken Celtic fiddlers.
2. One way or another, the government gets 98 percent of your income.
3. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
4. When listing the provinces, everyone forgets to mention yours.
5. The economy is based on fish, cows, and ferrying Ontario motorists to Boston.
6. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick.
7. You have French people, but they don't want to kill you.
8. Everybody has a Grandfather who runs a lighthouse.
9. Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed fishermen.
10. You probably live in a small seaside cottage with no television.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA

1. The only place in North America to get bombed in the war by a moron who set ammunitions ship on fire. (Halifax Explosion)
2. The province is shaped like the male genitalia.
3. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
4. If someone asks if you're a Newfie, you are allowed to kick their ass.
5. The local hero is an insane, fiddle playing, sexual pervert homo.
6. The province that produced Rita MacNeil, the world's largest land mammal.
7. You are the "only" reason Anne Murray makes money.
8. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.
9. The economy is based on lobster and fiddle music.
10. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered Canada's most beautiful city.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE ON PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big ass bridge.
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
3. You were probably once an extra on "Road to Avonlea".
4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from.
5. The economy is based on fish, potatoes, and CBC TV shows.
6. Tourists arrive, see the "Anne of Green Gables" house, then promptly leave.
7. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
8. It doesn't matter to you if Quebec separates.
9. You don't share a border with the Americans, or with anyone for that matter.
10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND

1. The poorest, drunkest province in Confederation.
2. If Quebec Separates, you will float off to sea.
3. In the rare case when someone moves to the Rock, you can make them kiss a dead cod.
4. The economy is based on fish, seafood, and fish-related products.
5. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
6. You & only you understand the meaning of Great Big Sea's lyrics.
7. The workday is about two hours long.
8. You are credited with many great inventions, like the solar-powered flashlight and the screen door for submarines.
9. If someone asks if you're from Cape Breton, you are allowed to kick their ass.
10. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders on your wedding day!

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Another questionable federal contract

Aug. 30 -- I don't get Canada. No, really. We've been bogged down in Toronto over a scandal over computers that cast a lot of doubt on the integrity of civil servants, but it's the elected officials taking the heat because evidently it's a bigger crime to be fooled by civil servants than to do the fooling.

Now there's a similar scandal on the federal level forcing the Feds to reopen bidding on contract to move staff

The unusual decision comes one month after the Canadian International Trade Tribunal determined that public servants evaluating the bids for the lucrative contract drew up the criteria to favour Royal LePage Relocations.

Now I'm already thinking jail time or, at minimum, termination without a recommendation and disallowing Royal LePage from ever bidding on a government contract again but from what I read, the federal government's solution (drawn up by civil servants, no doubt) is to spend several months to draft new criteria for the project and have interested parties re-submit their bids, and if Royal LePage doesn't get the new contract, the feds will pay penalties for cancelling a rigged bid.

I don't get it. See opening sentence of previous paragraph.

I'm not throwing stones here. I am all too well aware that suspicious, smelly things that walk, talk and quack like corruption exist in the US too, but when caught there is this thing called the law that kicks in to at least give an appearance that some integrity is expected from our civil service.

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Iran threatens to exclude Canada from investigation

Aug. 27 -- Abdollah Ramezanzadeh, a government spokesman for Iran, has said that there is no obligation for the Iranian government to inform Canada of what the investigation into the death of Zahra Kazemi has learned. The Iranian government has cited the fact that Kazemi was a dual citizen and on Iranian soil when her death took place 3 weeks after her detainment by authorities.

Although there have been reports that two people have been arrested for her death, the Canadian Office of Foreign Affairs has received no official notification.

UPDATE: According to this, Iranian officials have reversed their earlier decision to exclude Canada from the investigation. But if I'm reading between the lines correctly, various officials in Iran are actually reversing one another which is not exactly a shock to anyone who has followed the power struggle between the elected Parliament and the unelected mullahs who are determined to keep Iran an ayatollocracy.

It also comes as more details slowly emerge about the two women charged with the "semi-intentional murder" of Ms. Kazemi, whose mysterious death has not only strained relations between Iran and Canada, but has exposed a growing rift between the Islamic country's hardline judiciary and elected reformers.

The rift grew even larger yesterday, as Iran's reformist-controlled Intelligence Ministry vehemently denied that two of its employees were responsible for Ms. Kazemi's death.

On Monday, the prosecutor's office in Tehran announced it had charged two intelligence agents. The office did not name the accused, but human rights organizations have been told that both women were present during the initial interrogation that followed Ms. Kazemi's arrest on June 23.

Some reports have described the accused as medical workers -- one a nurse; the other a personal caregiver -- while others insist they were security agents.

But the Intelligence Ministry -- all but accusing the judiciary of a cover-up -- insisted that its office is innocent of any crime. A spokesman even threatened to reveal what really happened to Ms. Kazemi unless the charges are dropped.

"The government considers the Intelligence Ministry clean and clear of any charges," said Abdollah Ramezanzadeh. "This should be rectified. Otherwise we will announce all we know in defence of the prestige of the government and what we know as facts."

I don't know if that actually makes anything clearer . . . and no, Mrs. Kazemi's body has still not been returned to Canada.

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Overseas Wars: A Review of Overseas Terrorism in Canada

Aug. 23 -- In this followup to this report about the 19 men detained by the RCMP, I was reminded of this which referenced an article about The MacKenzie Institute's report "Overseas Wars: A Review of Overseas Terrorism in Canada" in the National Post (link dead; go to links here and here) which stated that there are 10,000 terrorists in Canada and another National Post article (and another dead link) about the anger of Ontario law enforcement officials that 59 known war criminals are at loose in Canada, probably in Toronto, but the federal government won't release photos to help track them down because it would violate the war criminals' privacy.

According to The Public Safety Act an amendment to the Immigration Act contains a provision

suspending or terminating refugee determination proceedings if there are reasonable grounds to believe that the claimant is a terrorist, senior official of a government engaged in terrorism or a war criminal.

I'm actually not making a point so much as trying to gather loose threads and see what they indicate, but the extent to which Canada is committed to the War on Terror still seems contradictory.

Also, I am going to blogroll Israpundit.

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Hapless and Screeching Bill Graham

Aug. 20 - Too bad for Foreign Affairs Min. Bill Graham that I read this after I was braced by Bill Whittle's glorious essay on Responsibility, so if you like the Minister, be prepared for some insultin'.

Both he and PM Chretien react to the bombing of the UN offices in Baghdad in ways that make me (temporarily) despair for this wonderful country:

Prime Minister Jean Chretien, speaking at a Liberal caucus meeting in North Bay, expressed condolences to Klein-Beekman's family and called it "absolutely unbelievable" that anyone would attack a UN office.

"These people are there to maintain peace and help people to build back their society ... It's so incredible that you're attacking the UN," he said. "The UN has only one mission -- to bring about peace, settle disputes, bring people together."

Yes, and the Canadian army wants to go only to places were it can spread peace and happiness. And everyone loves the UN - not. Has he forgotten that al Qaeda was stopped from bombing the UN HQ in NYC in the mid-90's?

The UN and its's peacekeepers have certainly not been safe as reported here, and although this may be the first time a successful attacks against a UN office was hit, it was mere months ago that 2 peacekeepers were killed in the Congo which prompted Canada, among other nations, to bolster the mission there.

The money quotes, though, were uttered by Bill Graham:

Foreign Affairs Minister Bill Graham also found it troubling that the UN had been targeted by Iraqi dissidents.

More troubling than charges that the Saudis tortured Bill Sampson, and the Syrians are torturing Maher Arar? What about the murder of Zahra Kazemi at the hands of the Iranian government?

Furthermore, why does he assume this was done by Iraqi dissidents? Most of us recognize al Qaeda, and even analysts are cautiously accepting the Flypaper theory, calling Iraq a magnet for terrorists who have poured in especially from Syria and Saudi Arabia.

"It's an indication, I think, of desperation on their behalf. I think it's an indication also that we in the world community have to be determined to rebuild Iraq as a free and democratic country where this won't happen." (Emphasis added.)

September 11 happened in a free and democratic country, idiot. In fact, the aim of terrorism is to have such events happen in free and democratic countries, or haven't you noticed that al Qaeda has focused on countries like Indonesia and East Timor which are trying to become free and democratic? And what about Israel, which alone of the countries in the Middle East is free and democratic?

Is everyone out there hoping and praying that the international news media organs don't carry these remarks?

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Blame Game for Black-Out

Aug. 16 -- The Daily Telegraph (UK) nails political leaders on both sides of the border with pinpoint accuracy: It's all your fault, Canada and US tell each other.

Canadians' long-standing love-hate relationship with their neighbour has soured recently amid Canadian opposition to the war in Iraq.

President George W Bush and Mr Chretien have a cool relationship, not helped when the prime minister's press aide told a reporter the US president was a "moron".

The British can be masters of the understatement.

Meanwhile, back in the real world (i.e., unpopulated by politcians and pundits,) my neighbours are proving to be among the world's finest: when it started raining, people whooped and hollared in gladness, then surged outdoors for some relief from the heavy, humid heat that we woke up to. And they are now busy arranging car pools for the beer store.

Guess they didn't read the doom and gloom outlook in today's Toronto Star and realize that they are supposed to be apprehensive and fearful.

UPDATE: The Toronto Sun tells that my neighbourhood isn't the only one that decided to party:

Spontaneous parties erupted all over the city Thursday night as many Torontonians chose to gather in the streets rather than sit in their darkened homes. Eric Brazier, 25, was on his way home with a friend during the largest blackout in North American history when he stumbled upon one such impromptu party on Yonge St. just north of Eglinton Ave.

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Gun battle in Riyadh

Aug. 13 --

A gun battle erupted in Riyadh yesterday during an operation to hunt down Islamist militants.

Four members of an elite security force and a suspected terrorist were killed and several people were wounded during an operation in the southern Al-Suwaidi district of the Saudi capital.

[...]

The shootings came amid continuing tension in Saudi Arabia. Raids by security forces are reported every few days. According to official figures, 12 militants have been killed and more than 200 arrested since suicide bombings at three residential compounds in Riyadh on May 12.

[...]

On Sunday, police arrested about 10 suspected Islamist militants after another shoot-out in Riyadh. Police found hand grenades. A security source said the men were fugitives but it was not clear if they were linked to Osama bin Laden's al-Qa'eda group.

The release last week of six Britons convicted of bomb attacks has prompted strong anti-British feeling and the government said the 10 suspected terrorists arrested on Monday were believed to have been plotting an attack on British interests in the kingdom. (Emphasis added)

I've read variations on that last paragraph several times over the past few days. It's hard to tell if the people there are angry because they too have relatives and friends who have been held and tortured unjustly or if they believed the confessions of the 6 to the bombing death of a British banker were true.

I wonder if Canadian Foreign Affairs Min. Bill Graham would like to explain why the Saudis are not angry at Canada after the pivotal role his department played in getting Bill Sampson released. (/sarcasm)

Actually, he what he really needs to explain is this:

Canadian William Sampson, who spent 31 months in a Saudi Arabian prison, repeatedly told Canadian officials that he was being tortured, according to documents obtained by the CBC. Reports that Sampson, who was released on Friday, had been tortured were treated only as allegations by the Canadian government, which said it had received assurances from the Saudi government that international law governing the treatment of prisoners was being observed.

Foreign Affairs Minister Bill Graham said as recently as last Friday that the conditions of Sampson's imprisonment were not known, but that the issue was a concern.

But documents obtained by CBC-TV's The Fifth Estate highlight three occasions on which Sampson told visiting Canadian officials that he had been abused by his captors.

"William said he had been physically abused during the past 10 months," read one report filed by Canadian diplomat Jean Gobeil who met with Sampson on Oct. 16, 2001.

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Hapless Bill Graham

Aug. 11 -- Foreign Affairs Minister Bill Graham said nothing noteworthy in his keynote address at a conference sponsored by the Couchiching Institute on Public Affairs yesterday.

Well, maybe that's a bit harsh. He said Canada did all it could to help Bill Sampson and Mr. Sampson was released, he is still trying to get the Iranian government to release Zahra Kazemi's body, and that the Syrian Foreign Minister hasn't yet returned his call to answer allegations that Maher Arar has been tortured in a Syrian jail.

There was no mention in the article of Canadian Bruce Balfour who is currently being held in a Lebanese prison.

He is aware that Canadian troops are in Afghanistan, so maybe I should cut him some slack.

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Bill Sampson released!

Aug. 8 - According to this from Daimnation, Bill Sampson and five British citizens who were also accused of carrying out bombings have been released and may be in England already. Sampson and UK citizen Alexander Mitchell had been found guilty and sentenced to death.

Let me think: Regime change in Iraq, Riyadh bombings, Sept 11 report, hostile attitudes toward the Saudis, continuous Canadian, UK and US diplomatic efforts to free Sampson and the others ... nah, no connection. (UPDATE: I can't believe I failed to include fall of Saddam regime.)

According to this, they've landed safely in England.

One nightmare over.

UPDATE: Steven den Beste has some thoughts on the arrest and release of Bill Sampson over at USS Clueless Denying failure. Also, be sure to follow his link here for the transcript of a 1998 speech by Ralph Peters which is an incisive assessment of "failure factors" in countries that have consistently failed to become competitive.

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Order of Canad awarded to Chretien's son-in-law

Aug. 6 -- From the Toronto Sun Order of Canada for PM's buddies.

OTTAWA -- Canada's governor general has honoured some of Prime Minister Jean Chretien's closest advisers and supporters -- including his son-in-law -- with the coveted Order of Canada. Among the 109 names made public yesterday were retired veteran Liberal MP Herb Gray,the PM's son-in-law Andre Desmarais, retired astronaut Marc Garneau, Chretien's former chief of staff Jean Pelletier and former Liberal cabinet minister Lloyd Axworthy.

(Follow the link for Desmarais which will also take you to the goodness of posts from Winds of Change, Mrs. du Toit and be sure to check out this in case your forgot how closely tied PM Chretien is to international oil companies.)

To re-iterate, this is the same son-in-law who is a chief co-executive of Montreal Power Corp and whose father is the biggest shareholder in TotalFinaElf, the French petroleum company that had sweetheart deals with Saddam Hussein (not that the relationship affected PM Chretien's decision to denounce the War in Iraq.)

What did the reflective PM say last year on the anniversary of Sept. 11? Something about arrogance, greed, or something?

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Zahra Kazemi

Aug. 5 - Paul has an update on the Iranian investigation into the murder of Zahra Kazemi You can just taste that Iranian justice.... Yep. The Iranians have learned some things about due process from the West.

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Bruce Balfour

Aug. 1 - According to this, Calgarian Bruce Balfour will face a military court in Lebanon Aug. 11 on a charge of collaborating with an enemy state, namely Israel, because he had once visited there. (The article also thinks it was Mr. Balfour's fault because he "knew" the rules.)

The Cedars of Lebanon website has a useful compendium of articles from Canadian newspapers on Mr. Balfour's detention (scanned, unfortunately, so no links). It seems that the Lebanese were waiting for Mr. Balfour to arrive because they had prior knowledge he had visited Israel before.

It has been confirmed that the Lebanese government never informed the Canadian Embassy of the arrest.

Reynald Doiron, spokesman for Foreign Affairs, said he couldn't discuss the charge until the Embassy in Beirut receives a written copy of the it from the Lebanese prosecutor (which was to be delivered by today.)

The website has posted the charge against Mr. Balfour which was directed to the Beirut Canadian Embassy July 30: a petition for arrest was filed March 24, he was arrested in absentia on April 2, an Accusation Act was filed April 15, and he was arrested upon his arrival at the Beirut airport July 10.

Encouragingly, The RCPL, a Lebanese-Canadian organization, has gotten involved and sent a letter to Foreign Affairs Min. Bill Graham:

This letter was addressed to the Canadian Minister of Foreign affairs M. Bill Graham to ask him to intervene more efficiently to liberate a Canadian citizen illegally arrested in Lebanon.

As CA MP Stockwell Day pointed out, Canada pledged $7 million toward the expenses of the recent Francophone summit held in Lebanon.

Would expressing Canadian disapproval of the detention of Mr. Balfour by withholding the money be considered acceptable in the exercise of soft diplomacy?

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Reynolds on Canada

Aug. 1 - I guess it was inevitable that the weirdness that passes for the Canadian government would finally be noticed by the Blogfather. In From the "Well, Duh" Department, Glenn Reynolds noticed that the burial of Zahra Kazemi generated a bigger diplomatic storm from the goofs in Ottawa than her murder.

He then links to an article about Chretien's efforts to free Syrian-Canadian Maher Arar. This is so very depressing.

Actually, it's a good thing he doesn't know the half of it. Stephan Hachemi, Kazemi's son, deserves most of the credit for his tireless efforts to obtain justice for his mother despite attempts by "Screeching" Bill Graham (TM Paul) to shut him up.

What is happening with the cases of Canadians Bruce Balfour, who is now in jail in Lebanon, and Bill Sampson, who's under a death sentence in a Saudi jail? They aren't generating a diplomatic breeze much less a storm.

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