June 18 - David at Silence No More has written a insightful and timely post on Standing Up For Dad:

I believe that most of the aggression and violence found in today's society can be attributed to two reasons: the lack and demise of traditional physical activities in our schools and the lack of fathers in their children's lives.

As a kid growing up before the onset of political correctness, staples like dodge ball and floor hockey were part and parcel of our daily segregated gym class in school, along with playground games like tag, red rover and 'King of the Mountain'. This served several purposes: we burnt off energy and aggression through fair play, learned our strengths and weaknesses, teamwork and individual successes and kept in shape. It also allowed us to learn boundaries and limits for our aggression before we would be punished. (My emphasis)

On the underrated importance of fathers taking the lead on some aspects of childraising, I cannot stress enough how important it is that he not be belittled, corrected, or interfered with in any way when he is talking to the kids. If rolling one's eyes must be done, do it in another room. Show the man some respect, for heaven's sake. I am so tired of women who think they gain something besides a reputation for boorishness by degrading men. What they really get is boys who are ashamed of being male (try to fix that self-esteem issue!)

I should disclose that I have three sons who have grown into fine men.

When they were young, it didn't take long for me to realize that their Dad was qualified to teach them things that I couldn't, things like standing up to pee and shaving.

He taught them how to fight fair, and how to parry, duck and counter-punch. He taught them how to pull their punches. He taught them how to avoid a fight and when to brace themselves because a fight was going to happen simply because the other guy wanted it. He taught them that they would heal from most everything except the shame of backing down, but that discretion was also a sign of true valour.

[Me? I was all about "finding alternatives." Their Dad told them that everything I said was absolutely right and that peaceful solutions were the best solutions, but that it was always good to have a Plan B. That's when he took them outside for some basic lessons.]

Dad taught them to stick up for one another and that the older ones should take care of the younger ones. They learned by logical extension not only that it was indeed their business when a big kid was picking on a little kid but that if another little kid got involved then the big kid felt outnumbered and might say stuff while he walked away but what mattered was that he walked away. He taught them that victory comes in many forms and never to crow.

He taught them that the best offense and defense was to look the other guy squarely in the eyes.

He also taught them - by deed as much as by word - to be courteous to women, to carry the heavy stuff, and open doors. He taught them that women don't always fight fair, and that if a woman wanted to rant then just take it - it would blow over - but never, ever hit a woman. He taught them that men who hit women were the lowest of the low, only barely above rapists and child abusers, and not real men but chickensh*ts.

This man routinely left his clothes on the floor, yet he taught them how to be good men. Really, which is mattered most? They are his clothes and his business because I'm not his mother.

And that's the key: husbands and significant others don't need to be mothered but need to be wifed and be made to be feel that they are indeed significant, and the real pity of it all is that today's Super! Feminist! society disparages that kind of uncritical love.

By the way, the Barbara Kay column David references is available in full here, courtesy of Proud To Be Canadian, and has one more praise of men that is too often given short shrift:

Far more men are engaged in protecting women and children from violence than perpetrating it. Healthy boys with strong fathers—and father figures like male teachers—learn that their attraction to power can be a tool for doing good. Their instincts for gallantry, fair play and protectiveness are easily mobilized when aggression is properly channeled.

Posted by: Debbye at 11:08 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 Thanks, Debbye, from an American in Ottawa. David Giles is a true hero, who took on the Family Law Systems of Saskatechewan and Alberta in order to ensure his abducted daughter would have a dad.

Posted by: The Wild Duck at June 18, 2005 05:51 PM (Zjh8u)

2 What incredible posts by both of you. Fathers are important, even when they piss us off as either fathers or husbands. Their importance to a child is immeasurable, and we all need to remember that. Thanks.

Posted by: Candace at June 19, 2005 04:00 AM (R7nd+)

3 Alert; Thinking Dell? Think carefully. Things have changed. Service is now India Based. Amazing testimonials at *WWW.buzzmachine.com* comments= 81 and rising. Don't buy that notebook yet. Be informed. Be aware. Be happy with IBM or Mac. This off topic interruption will save many Debbye friends anguish and heartach. You will thank me for this. 73s TG

Posted by: TonyGuitar at June 22, 2005 04:20 PM (rmMzv)

4 you've been tagged http://wakinguponplanetx.blogspot.com/2005/06/childrens-books-tag.html

Posted by: Candace at June 23, 2005 02:47 AM (R7nd+)

5 Hmmm...almost a week and no posts...did the Liberal Party get Debbye "disappeared"? ;-)

Posted by: Dave J at June 24, 2005 11:08 AM (CYpG7)

6 Echoing Dave J, we need more Debbye! Here's hoping that this is just a 'puter glitch and that you and yours are doing fine.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at June 26, 2005 09:02 PM (FAkKg)

7 Sorry about the down time, folks. Trying to sleep during the day in this heat has resulted in little actual sleep, and when I do get up the family is already home and using the computer. Conclusion: I need to get my family out more!

Posted by: Debbye at June 29, 2005 04:46 PM (ydrAz)

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